have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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