i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
