Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
