after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
