laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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