Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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