big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
