I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
