I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize