i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
