I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
