my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
