Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This baby is an asshole
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
