Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
