I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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