i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
