Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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