I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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