dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
