I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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