So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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