Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
