i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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