I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
