So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
