there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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