After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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