you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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