my room smells like sperm. sweet.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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