pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
