She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
