His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
