explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
