Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
