You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
