Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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