They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
