There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
