people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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