did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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