What a fucking waste of an outfit
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
