Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
