Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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