I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
