i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
