dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just want to make out with him forever
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
