So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
