In the future we'll all be gay
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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