Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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