I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
