Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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