Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
