On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
