Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
