So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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