I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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