I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
