someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you had me at cake vodka
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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