My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
