peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
