This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
