Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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