somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
