so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
