And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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