My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
its liver damage thursday
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
