Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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