Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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