just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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